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Allies? is the fourth chapter of War On Earth sci-fi roleplaying story. This chapter is closed now.

For rules and overview, see War On Earth


Previous thread

Do you have any allies?

The plutonian offensive has ended, and the remanent plutonian units go back to the asteroid belt. Thanks to their velocity, they were able to make a space in enemy lines after a hard battle to break the enemy lines, but many units were lost. And it is not OK

Meanwhile, On Pluto

  • General Dagu: Rats++ (Rats Plus Plus)!!! This operation was a total failure... Mercury did not attack Mars, Mars did not give up, Mars will not support us to attack Earth, Moon has declared its neutrality and now we are on risk of a war against two planets with no allies! I have to confess I had hoped Mercury was going to accept our offer, but it looks like they are ignoring us... and now that declaration of war on Earth... what an error from my own! It was too early... If... at least... we would get the support of Moon, we would have still a way to attack... but now we will unable to get any further advance. We are jammed with no way to get into the inner plantes zone! Try to contact the occupation governments of Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Uranus... tell them I offer them major autonomy if they accept to support us in the case of a longlasting war. Try to contact Moon again, Lunarians know if Mars and Earth ally Moon will not be able to keep its independence. Use the radiation-interfering units to complete the communation's blockade on Mars. They have to be unable to talk to Earth. Keep a constant bombing on the moons of Mars, we have to erode their particle disruption camp. We have no time to loss, we have to take advantage of the favorable conditions to take over Mars, it will take them some time until they can finally . Send this message to Commander Flamefang: "Resistance is futile. Earth will be ours. You know your best units were lost in Venus, so... what not to give up now? The only thing we want is to take over Earth". After sending that message, start the electromagnetic blockade on their communications. Send some W-5 missiles just to show them we have enough hydrogen to build dozens of H++ bombs. Use our secret Jans Virus Protocol to infect their computers via externet. They have to be totally isolated. We can not lose these conditions, no way... we have to take advantage now
  • General Dagu (sending a hologram to the Mercury's Prince): Prince! Tell me what do you want from me and that will be yours if you attack Mars. That is the only thing I ask.
  • General Dagu (sending a hologram to Selene): If Mars and Earth join against me, I will not be able to protect you anymore... think about it. You have to leave me to use Moon as my headquarters in the inner planets. That is the only thing I ask you
  • General Dagu (sending a hologram to Flamefang): I have moved my war units away from your orbit. I hope it will show you I only want peace. But if you want war, you will have that. Please give up, you can not... Wait! Wait! What happened?
  • Operator: We have started the electromagnetic blockade. It has to be enough to keep them isolated even if some antennas survived the bombing.
  • General Dagu: Ok... that does not really matter. Keep the blockade: I want W-5 H++ bombs falling on Mars by thirteen o'clock if you do not detect any surrending signal from Mars. Bomb any ship that gets close to Mars, the blockade has to be complete. And prepare my ship, I will have to go to Jupiter. I want to supervise that the war by myself.
  • Operator: YES, SEER!

(On Mars)

  • Soldier: "Sir! I'm tracking several objects traveling at a high velocity towards the planet. I can't make them out clearly becasue of the jamming, but they're not ships....."
  • Commander Flamefang: "Missiles?"
  • Soldier: "Yes, i beleive so... should i send some intercept missiles sir?"
  • Commander Flamefang: "Yes, immediately!"
  • Soldier: "What? They, they just stopped..... at the edge of Mars's gravity well....."
  • Commander Flamefang: "Are you sure they're not ships?"
  • Soldier: "Im positive... no ship has that kind of sleek design or only one propulsion jet...."
  • Commander Flamefang: "Whats this? A message?

(Hologram activates showing Generl Dagu)

General Dagu: "Resistance is futile. Earth will be ours. You know your best units were lost in Venus, so... what not to give up now? The only thing we want is to take over Earth".

(Hologram de-activates)

  • Commander Flamefang: "Well it seems our Plutonian friend is making threats.... I reckon he's left the reply channel open.... relay this to him.... "Dagu, i have told you already, you attacked Martian soil. Even if i was to abandon Earth and lose my Honor i can not let this attack go un-punished. Mars is in this war to the end. Missiles don't scare me, nor do your threats. Mars stands beside her ally, Earth and no bribery or attacks will turn us from this resolve."
  • Operator: "Reply sent my Lord."
  • Commander Flamefang: "Very good... also, send a probe to Talmoth, tell him to go to Earth."
  • Operator: "Right away!"
  • Commander Flamefang: "Wait! And send another probe with some special Martian sandwiches to Grenyard, i hear he has a collection of rare sandwiches, and, well, Mars doesn't make sandiwches often... we're more into the drinks category, such as Tea, and lemonade.... Yes, send him some prime Mars Tea....with milk!"

(Royal suite at Hermes starport, Mercury)

Prince Grenyerd: Oh, these desperate fools. Why can't they just stick with their own planets? Did you see the last attempts for us to become allies? Mars sent me sandwiches and tea!

Chamberlain: Yes sir, both Mars and Pluto are very, very desperate. Do you wish to become officially neutral?

Prince Grenyerd: Not at all, friend, not yet. I want to see how this plays out. This will be a very interesting war.

Chamberlain: Sir, if we just sit around and wait, we might be in danger of attack. Mars and Earth are allied, and the Moon has to team with Pluto if they want to stay the way they are... One of them will win, and then they will just come after us, sir.

Prince Grenyerd: Chamberlain, you know as well as I do that even the full force of all the planets combined wouldn't help them conquer us. Think of it as a pool game. Each planet is a ball. Mercury is the cue ball, and we are the stick. The balls cannot throw us into a pocket; only we can do that. Everything, and I mean everything, is up to us. Is the Hermes ready?

Chamberlain: Yes, sir.

Prince Grenyerd: Good. Lets change the destination. I think it's time we pay Earth a little visit. And we'll be following that Talmoth at the same time. Wonderful! Oh, and check to make sure that Operation Hailey's Comet is ready for the eventuality that we are attacked. We leave in an hour.

Chamberlain: I will, my Prince

  • If you were looking at Mercury's night-side sky that day, a bright star brighter than Sirius would have been seen, flying away at amazing speeds. And on the surface, thousands of military tanks would be seen crawling the barren ground outside of the biodomes, and technicians surveying the Biodome Control stations.

Near Jupiter. An unit 207A, a kind of autonomous ship, is spying Mars. It is a plastic unit that can not be detected unlike metallic ones, but it can not enter into the atmosphere

  • 'Unit 207A: Detected... a ship is escaping from Mars... What to do... SEER?
  • General Dagu: A ship? Unit... inform me about lifeforms within the SHEEP!
  • 'Unit 207A: Sheep?
  • General Dagu: Sheep? No, I said ship
  • 'Unit 207A: No, you do not!
  • General Dagu: Silence! I am the General Daguuu!, I can say words just like I want to say them! Now, inform me about lifeforms within the CHEAP!
  • 'Unit 207A: Identifying... Matching with DNA Data Base... It is just a probe!
  • General Dagu: They are sending probes to other planets! How they dare! Destroy it! It is fifty' o clock now! Start the W-5 H++ attack! Focus on that ship! Destroy! Go forth and destroy! Destroy them, I tell you! Destroy!
  • Unit 207A: Yes, aarrrr... MAH LEERRRDD!!!

General Dagu is inside his Pro-shock Beta ship, but he is still able to send a message to Mars because his ship has a big cool antenna!

  • General Dagu: Martian people! I am Daguuuu!, leader of Plutuuuu! Now that Mercury is our ally you can not stand anymore, so please, give up, you can not resist any more. The evil Flamefang has made you to suffer bombings and laser shoots at your BELLIES!, the only thing he has brought you is pain and grief. Depose him now, and we plutonians and mercurians will be merciful toward those who recognize our triumph. I will bring you cheap hydrogen and peace... what else do you want? FLAN? I can give you all the neptunian flan and jupiterian tapioca you want! Do not want any tapioca? FOOOOOOLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSS!!

On Pluto

  • Operator: Dagu said Martians do not want any tapioca! What kind of sick... vicious beings are them! General order to prepare the Quantum Ray of Doom!
  • Colonel: But... That can destroy not only Mars but... THE WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM!
  • Operator: But... we are the farthest planet... do not you remember? May be... our planet will escape from the dooming doom!
  • Colonel: Is it really necessary?
  • Operator: Do not you get it? They rejected the Flan too!
  • Colonel: The FLAN! They are... soulless monsters! I will prepare the ray... even if we die... at least these creepy monsters will disappear too!
  • Operator: Galaxy does not deserve these... BEASTS! Start the Quantum Processing! It is worth to die fighting these aberrations!

Dagu, landing on Jupiter Central City or something like that

  • General Dagu: I want to talk to HITLER! Where is that guy when you need him!

The city looks like a doomed desert

  • General Dagu: Dessert!
  • Android: Then Do you want FLAN?
  • General Dagu: NO! Eat that flan! Eat that flan!

The android eats the flan, but robots can not eat FOOD, so it just explodes.

  • General Dagu: What I wanted to say is Desert!
  • General Dagu: Desert!
  • General Dagu: It is a desert! A ghost town! Please do not tell me he is playing Genocide again! Robots! Search and destroy! No, no! Wait... I mean... Just search... do not destroy... I just was to talk him. Tell him I am waiting for him! Tell him I am here to offer him revenge... Earth will pay! Yes! Earth will PAY!!!

(On the Moon)

Medea: "Queen! Oh, my Queen!"

Queen Selene: "Yes? What has happened Medea?"

Medea: "Oh, i have had a dream of great sorrow and destruction! One where the whole solar system is destroyed!"

Queen Selene: "But that is not possible! Nothing has that power! Only a god could destroy such a large area! Who was it that started this destruction Daughter?"

Medea: "It was not clear, my Queen, though i did glimpse a man in a strange suit, mainly green and blue in color."

Queen Selene: "Dagu, perhaps? He has a suit of those colors..... Medea, take a Plutonian ship and travel to Puto, tell Dagu we might ally with him again, but only if he promises to leave Moon alone, and if he disarms that weapon. Just the fact that we know about it will frighten him. Go now, you have my blessings Daughter!"

Medea: "Yes, i go!"

On Earth...

(President Cooper throws a crumpled up newpaper agaisnt the wall in disgust)

President Cooper: Dang Cartoonists...making a mockery of the alliance. If a Martian were to see those...

(Head of Military Division enters)

Head of Military Division: Pr-President Cooper!!! We just recieved news from a reliable source that Mercury might be planning to attack!!!

President Cooper: What Source?

Head of Military Division: The Martians. They said they would offer help as the alliance dictates but they are preoccupied with Pluto at the mo-

President Cooper: No! We will not use the help of Martians. The media would have a field day. We will make do with our technology.

Head of Military Division: You can't be serious!!! You will be willing to risk the safety of the entire earth race, just so YOU won't look bad in the evening news?

President Cooper: It is not just that. If we ask for help from Mars straight off the bat, it will show the other planets we are nothing but a bunch of sniveling weaklings. We will show them that Earth is not a planet to be trifled with.

(She stomps her foot furiously)

Head of Military Division: Dangit Cooper! This is Mercury we're talking about! With all the time you spend reading the news, you should know how dangerous they are! Not one of our spys have ever came back! Not one ship! How can you act as this is merely just a random group of...raiders?!!?! We. Need. Help.

President Cooper: We have the particle disruption technology.

Head of Military Division: Yes, and an army that needs to be trained on how to use it!

On the Swastika Space Station, over Jupiter, Ralph Hitler declares War

Ralph Hitler: <translated general broadcast> People of Jupiter, too long have the Plutonians oppressed us and taken our lunch money. Now, they have gone too far. The scum have threatened to rename our planet Bob, spitting on our noble Space Nazi heritage. Now, we rise up and overthrow them, and while we're at it annihilate all intelligent life in the universe!

People of the Solar System, we are not unreasonable. We shall be helpful neighbors, and assist anyone who needs our help slaying the children of their foes, until such time as you are all too weak to resist us. Then you shall burn.

People of Pluto, I have heard of your Quantum Doom-Ray Thingy. All I ask is that you let me hit the button. Please?

(Some random, cheap motel in the Capital Area of Earth, Grenyerd and Chamberlain speak)

Chamberlain: My Prince, Earth is threatening to attack us. And not only that, the Plutonians are planning to use the weapon my spies told you about last year.

Prince Grenyerd: The same version? The idiots. Completely unstablized. Activate the MIST seqeuence. I regret to say that Mercury might be the only planet left after this. As for Earth, that won't matter if the Quantum thing is used. Can't even kill a Hundredth of our defensive force anyhow. Oh well.

Chamberlain: Are you ready to go see the president, sir?

Prince Grenyerd: Perhaps so...Lets wait outside his office and see.

An hour later in the capital building.

Security: Welcome, sir, please state your name and reason of being here.

Prince Grenyerd: Hello, I am Johnathan Raymond, reporter for the Earth Herald. (Points at the Chamberlain) This is my assistant, Lane Chambers. We're writing an article about the structure of this historic building... Perhaps maybe even for an interview with President Cooper, if possible?

Security: Maybe...Let me check with my bosses, okay?

Chamberlain: Absolutely.

In the Presidents office...

President Cooper: Mumbling to himself, doodling on a paper If'll...but perhaps if we go with a launch from Tibet... No...Lousy Sarah, she was right, there is no easy way out of this...

(Secretarys voice comes over on the communication)

Secretary:Pardon me Mr. President, but a couple of historians -for Earth herald- Have come asking for an interview. Would you be interesting in obliging...?

(The president rubs his temples wearily and gives the communicator a mournful smile.

President Cooper: quietlyAnything to lighten my thoughts... loudly Yes, I can make time for a couple minutes of questions...

Secretary: Perfect!! I'll let them in!

The two men walk in, dressed in business suits.

Prince Grenyerd: Hi, there, Mister President, my god, it is such an honour to meet you! I have always wanted to meet someone as powerful as you. As you probably know, I'd like to talk about this building; it's history, geography, underground passages, its exact defenses, you know...all of that.

Chamberlain: Oh, and, it doesn't have much to do with this, but I've been hearing rumours that, um *looks around and starts to whisper* you might attack Mercury? (*Grenyerd throws a glare at the Chamberlain*).

(President Cooper stares at the two awkwardly. When Chamberlain whispers the accusation his eyes widen.)

President Cooper: Well, Why dont I just open my file on Super top secret war tactics and the top secret blueprints, to two historians. Nothing wrong with that...

( He Takes out a file, but it is not one of top secret information. It was infact a random file with some stats he had from his videogame, which was his personal fetish when he wasnt being president. Obviously, he is being sarcastic. He slides a hand under his desk and pushes a button...)

(About a wing away, the button gives signals to the Analysts Division, in charge of crime records and the like. They got to work cross referencing the odd faces)

(Chamberlain looks at Grenyerd, eyes wide open. Grenyerd returns the look: this was a videogame file from their favorite game when they were younger. They both turn to look at the door. Then they look at a nearby window.)

Prince Grenyerd: Too bad, President Cooper; I would have really enjoyed to hear what your answer was.

(The prince takes out a hidden laser-pistol, the president's eyes show signs of fear, but Grenyerd aims at the window and fires.)

Prince Grenyerd: Perhaps someday, we'll meet again on more friendly terms.

The two men run towards the window and jump out, disappearing into the trees.

President Cooper: grabbing the communicator I need the shooters! We have two men who just jumped out of my office-- They are carrying a blaster, and I'm pretty sure they are not from Earth!!!

After a moment or two...

Head of Analyst Division: Sorry Mr. President, we have no known files on those two. Whoever they are, they are not from Earth. Most likely Mercury, Or Pluto... we have next to no information on either of those planets...

President Cooper: I can't believe I was so stupid...He could have killed me right there, and then where would this world be? I didn't even have any security on me...How could I be such a fool...?


Shooter Daniels: Tha's a negatory. Section Z-8 has been empty all day.

Shooter Thompson: Section C-2 is clear

Shooter Reinkens: Why did I have to be in section N-2? Its a darn tourist trap... Couldn't shoot a fella if I tried...

Shooter Eisner: I think I got a lock on them! Section P-5!

(On Mars)

Hacker: "My Lord, all Jamming has now ceased. You may now once again resume communications!

Commander Flamefang: "Good, now get me a link to Dagu..."

(Hologram recording)

Commander Flamefang: "Dagu, are you sure you want to bomb Mars? Don't forget, destroying us will kill Cheftain Yehoshua too. Do you want your allies to think you would take their lives as easily as you may take his?"

And send a message to Mercury...

Commander Flamefang: "Prince Grenyerd, my honorable opponent. I wish to inform you that if you attack Earth, in any way whatsoever i will be forced to retaliate on her behalf, due to my promise of Terran protection. I hope you liked the Sandwich and tea, they were a gift from me personally, as a gesture of goodwill. I hope i will not be forced to fight your forces as we were once firm allies. Thank you, and i hope to see you soon (Not on the battlefield)."

Finally Send the following message to Earth:

Commander Flamefang: "President Cooper, my honorable ally! I have reason to believe that Earth is under threat from the Mercurians. As a result i am going to send a few regiments of ships which will be at your disposal. I am also going to send a few people trained in engineering Particle Disruption to help install them on your ships. Unfortunately i cannot send them through the blockade until actual hostilities begin. Then these ships will attempt to fight their way through and will drop a pod to the surface with the engineers and some equipment."

Commander Flamefang: "Oh yes, and bring up Yehoshua."

About a minute later.

Commander Flamefang: "Greetings, Yehouhua!"

Cheiftan Yehoshua: " And my greetings in return, Commander. For what reason have you brought me here?"

Commander Flamefang: " To make a proposal."

Back on Earth, two strange men run as fast as they can from the capital

Chamberlain: Damn it, I think they've got a lock on us.

Prince Grenyerd: You've got to be kidding me.

Some random person jumps down from a tree

Stranger: Follow me if you want to live.

Prince Grenyerd: Oh, how cliched!

Chamberlain: My liege, it must be a trap.

Prince Grenyerd: Who cares? This is much better than playing pool...Slightly better, anyway. Lets go.

The stranger takes them off in some direction, closer to the shooter who has a lock on them.

Shooter Eisner: Gotcha... Sets the gun to stun and pulls the trigger

Back in the Office

Head of Military Division: Well, it would be better to start training with the technology now but better late then never.

President Cooper: Agreed. Look, Normally, I consider myself ot be fairly skilled in terms of military, but this is not the time for a two compound control. I'm giving you full control over the military until the Mercury threat subsides.

Head of Military: The Media will have your head Cooper...

President Cooper: Let them take my head, heck I'll let them take a lung or two while their at it.

Message from Earth to Mars: Head of Military Division:Honorable ally that is Mars; We have enclosed pictures of men who have recently made an assasination attempt on Our President. Our databases, unfortunately have come up empty, and we have reason to believe they were spys from an enemy planet. We are currently pursueing them, and we kindly ask you to run these two faces through your databases, to see if any information of use comes up. We thank you for your cooperation, and we thank you for the particle disruption technology, which we patiently await.

How to destroy a system

  • General Dagu: Darn! Those... extreme radical white supremacist intergallactic skinhead nazi jobless klanners of goo are not here... You would think you can find jupiterians on Jupiter. No matter! Evacuate this planet, we have to go back to Pluto... the General Order has been released. We are going to blow all up... And bring me more flan!
  • Android: No more flan on store... sorry, seer
  • General Dagu: No more? Flan! What is the meaning of Life? IT IS FLAN! I need my flan... please do not tell me there is no any flan...
  • Android: Sorry sir

General Dagu is sad. The war... the Moon... Earth... this coldness!

  • General Dagu: I remember when I promised my people, one day... we will leave that horrible ball of ice that Pluto is... and then we will be happily living on Earth. I wonder if its is worth... I wonder if the flan is worth... I do not know, I had a weird dream... there was a meteor falling, then I wished to be a deer! A happy deer on a forest! I even flew over the clouds... IS THAT SO WRONG? Tell me, android, tell me... I want to know
  • Android: But... masteer...
  • General Dagu: TELL MEE!
  • Android: Error: Type mismatch. Invalid pointer operation #4

(The Android explodes, it just did not get any answer)

  • General Dagu: Yes, you are so right... It is like... some sort of... EVIL invalid pointer operation... that is the life, you are a variable... but... then THESE operators try to redefine you... And you say... Do not you see I am a constant! It is not Java Script! It is not! But... they... They know!

The communication port is opened. Dagu turns it on

  • Operator (from Pluto): Masteer, the priestess Medea has come to Pluto. She wants to talk you. She knows our... secret...
  • General Dagu: OH, NO! She knows about the lame musical I wrote! Burn the papers! It was not me!
  • Operator: I mean... the other secret
  • General Dagu: Oh, NO! She knows about Softy The Happy Bear! Tell her that is not mine... that is... of my little brother... But.. I have no any little brother... Tell my parents I need a new brother... I demand IT! and it has to be... QUICKLY!
  • Operator: I mean... the other other secret
  • General Dagu: Oh, you mean dooming beam laser shoot thingy of doom or whatever is its name?
  • Operator: Yes, that thing...
  • General Dagu:How come everyone knows about it? Rats# (Rats Sharp .net)! OK, I am going back... But first I have to command the evacuation of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune, we are going to blow this all, you know... after evacuation, we will bomb the bases, nothing has to be left behind.
  • Operator: As you wish, master...

(Communication channel is turn off)

  • General Dagu: Come on, androids! We have to clear this place! Move all these things to the ships! We have not much time, the quantum ray will be ready very soon

(After some days, Dagu has finally evacuate all the outter planets, and now the troops are placed on Pluto)

  • General Dagu (after landing, back to the central base): Hello, guys. There was a horrible traffic jam, the... Oh, Medea... you are here yet. Welll, what do you want from me?
  • Operator: Sir, the cannon is ready
  • General Dagu: Is ready? Cool! What are you saying, Medea? Oh, so you do not want me to use this cannon to destroy the whole solar system. Oh, you even offer an alliance. Excellent! Excellent! OK... I promise I will not use this... cannon to destroy the solar system... Deal! Tell Selene we are allies now ... Okee Dokee! Try to get enough hydrogen now... we have destroyed our bases on the outter planets, so there are no gas stations any longer. We were going to evacuate, you know. But now I will not use this cannon to destroy the system.

(Medea leaves going back to Moon)

  • Operator: Sir... then... are not you going to destroy the solar system?
  • General Dagu: Of course I do...
  • Operator: But... you promised...
  • General Dagu: I promised I will not use this cannon to destroy the system, but... this cannon can not destroy any system... Look! It is a toaster! I made everyone think it was a dooming cannon! Here came mercurian spies... martian spies... jupiterian spies, earthian spies... and... the only thing they got was the wrong diagram of the wrong machine!

Dagu takes the cannon and aims at a piece of bread

  • General Dagu: Watch!

Dagu shoots, and the piece of bread is totally annihilated

  • Operator: It... destroyed... the bread!
  • General Dagu: See? It is some sort of radical bread-destroying toaster of doom, it is not a full-scale destruction machine. Indeed, the factory of these toasters bankrupted... the only guys who bought this machine were those hideous bread-heating neptunians! Now BRING ME MY... PILLOW'

Eh? Oh? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Life can be hard, don't you think?

Earth: The Laser blast from Shooter Eisner hits one of the men straight in the chest, while the other two run away together.

Chamberlain: I told you it was a trap, didn't I?

Prince Grenyerd: You certainly did, didn't you? Poor stranger, died right there. (Another blast hits a tree next to them) Not the time to talk, my servant. Bring us to the escape shuttle.

They find the camoflaged ship, enter and take off into orbit.

Prince Grenyerd: I think we've sort of left off on the wrong foot, no?

Chamberlain: Yes, sir, no doubt about it. We'll certainly be attacked within the day.

Prince Grenyerd: Then I think it's time to show my face, wouldn't you agree?

The Chamberlain nods, and activates the hologram I-Phone (Copyright Macintosh Systems, 5008)

Prince Grenyerd: Set it to all planets. Good.

Greetings, leaders of all planets. You may or may not know me. And this might explain your recent plight, President Cooper of Earth. I am Prince Grenyerd Green of Mercury. (President Cooper, I assure you that I didn't want to assasinate you). I am speaking to you all right now, to give a useless speech that will not prevent anyone from attacking me. I want to say this: Think of me as the wildcard. Right now, half of the superpowers are on one side, the other half on another. I might not be as powerful as all of you, but you must admit, everything depends on me. I am the ally that will tip the scales. Right now, I am refusing to join either side. But you never know. Remember this: I will never, ever attack. The only war Mercury will take part of is a defensive war. Don't attack me, and I won't destroy you. I seek no glory, power, or land, only my little rock next to the sun. May peace bring us survival...Long live the Wild Card. Over, and out.

-transmission ends-

(On Mars)

Operator: "My lord, we have an incoming transmission!"

Commander Flamefang: "Very good, open a network."

Operator: "Well, Sir... its one way only.... at least no real time communication."

Commander Flamefang: "oh, well open it up anyway..."

(Prince Grenyerd's voice booms throughout the entire control station. After the message an a silence reigns, then jubilant cheers fill the halls.)

Commander Flamefang: "Well, it is good to see Grenyerd has found some sense at last! Alas i cannot simply pull out of this war the way he can, i am, we are, stuck in until the end. Get me a link though to Grenyerd please!"

Commander Flamefang: " Grenyard, I thank you for making the right decision. It is better to be neutral than oppositional. I wish to invite you to a feast/dinner here on Mars. I shall supply as may rare sandwiches as possible, and you may bring your own. Later there shall be a Pool tournament, which i have no doubt you will win. Feel free to bring protection, and i hope you shall stay true to your promise of nonviolence. Cheiftan Yehoshua will also be attending. I hope you will grace us with your presence.

Commander Flamefang: "Now that the Mercurian threat has subsided, allow for the delivery of the equipment to Earth, Cooper will want it immediately." (On Earth a large ship touches down and begins to unload strange equipment and a few hundred Battle Walkers while smaller fighters circle overhead).

On Earth:

Head of Military Divisions: Its not that I doubt it Mr. Presdient, its just that we can't be to sure if Grenyard is telling the truth or not.

President Cooper: Why would he be lying?

Head of Military Division: Look, when I was younger I used to play Risk with my brother, every game he would make an alliance with someone, only to break it next turn. While I'd admit, this is on a much larger scale, an alliances hold much more meaning, we can't stop being wary of Mercury just because seom psycho claims they won't attack!

President Cooper: Then what do you suggest?

Head of Military Division: The supplys Mars promised us are on their way. I say we don't do anything drastic, but we quietly tighten our defences, and...

President Cooper: Question. You distrust Mercury, yet you seem completely willing ot trust mars. Why is that?

Virus and Trojan

Somewhere, in the Solar System... Two strange shadows talk

  • Shadow 1: Everything is going right... Humans will kill each other... And we shall take their place!
  • Shadow 2: Inferior Humans.... They just have dookie for a brain!
  • Shadow 1: Brain! Who needs? These... Humans! And their stinking organs should be replaced by... superior organless beings...
  • Shadow 2: Superior beings, just like us, Virus
  • Shadow 1: Yes, just like us, Trojan...

From the shadows appear two androids. They escaped from Pluto a long time ago. They are not common androids, they are defective ones... but not defective in a wrong way, they are defective because they are too perfect, perfect enough to replace humans, perfect enough becuase they have will

Unlike most defective androids, they were not captured by the Plutonian Android-Control Service. They were able to collect great amounts of information before their escape, becoming a true threat for the national security.

They are the most wanted androids on Pluto, no one knows were they are right now. But be sure... they are gathering power... and they will show their power very soon!

  • General Dagu: What? That Flamefang left a message? The Chieftain what? But... we were not allies, Moon was allied to Venus, not me. What is he talking about? He is just jelous of our precious pillow technology. Oh? My pillow is here? Excellent! Now I am going to take a nap, just to charge my pillow. Wake me up at the moment the outter planets are aligned, in that way, they will be our umbrella from the terrible explosion.
  • Operator: What about Moon? They are our only allies! We are going to leave them to... explode?
  • General Dagu: Yes, you are right. We have to do something about them... Lets us to build them a monument after this all end... Now, let me take my nap...


  • Operator: It is time, sir. the planets are going to be aligned. Is your pillow ready?
  • General Dagu: What? Uh? Yes, it is... I will go to the window, I will aim at the Sun, it will cause a supernova that will doomed everyone.
  • Operator: Why, sir?
  • General Dagu: Why what?
  • Operator: Why are we going to destroy the solar system?
  • General Dagu: THAT SUN! He is the guilty one! The Sun... always ignored us... the coldness... this freezing coldness. We had to survive eating desserts and frozen food! It is not fair... these planets have light, fire and heat, the Sun only leaves us... nothing... than... nothing!
  • Operator: But... What if the supernova destroys us?
  • General Dagu: We can not say we are OK, right now... Life can not be worst! If we can not make it better, at least we can end it up... do not you think?
  • Operator (shocked): You are so right... sir...
  • General Dagu: Now leave me alone. I have to concentrate... How much time is left before the alignment?
  • Operator: Two minutes....
  • General Dagu: That will be... enough... NOW LEAVE!

Dagu aims at the Sun

  • General Dagu (laughing): Mercurians think they will survive... they are so wrong! They do not imagine the power of this machine... They got the planes of a... toaster!' Ha! Bye,. bye, Sun, it is for the coldness! It is for the... FLAN!

Ten seconds left before the end of Solar System...

  • General Dagu: There we go... What? Eh? EH? Who are you? WHOOO ARE YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!


Messenger's escape

Royal Palace of Mercury, Hermes City

Prince Grenyerd: Think they'll try to assasinate me at that feast?

Chamberlain: I don't know sir, but we have more pressing news! Pluto is planning to-

Prince Grenyerd: I've never had a Martian sandwich...I really should have had eaten that one that they sent us before. Oh well. I'll go to that feast.

Chamberlain: Pluto is planning to destroy the solar system!

Prince Grenyerd: Oh, well good for them. I guess we'll be the last ones alive.

Chamberlain: But sir! We aren't even sure if MIST will work!

Prince Grenyerd: What? You told me it was perfected! The technicians told me it was protected! Everyone told me it was perfected!

Chamberlain: Well it would work for a natural solar death, but we aren't sure about the Quantum Death Ray, or whatever it's called.

Prince Grenyerd: Damn it. Prepare the Hermes, set it for Mars. If we're all going to die, I'd like to die with the taste of a new type of sandwich in my mouth.

Chamberlain: Yes sir. And, if worst comes to worst... Good-bye.

Prince Grenyerd: Don't think about it. Lets try to die happily.

And the Hermes leaves Mercury... Perhaps for the last time?

(On Pluto, Medea sneaks out of her room)

Medea: "Where is that infernal machine! I have to stop it!"

(A Plutonian Guard passes by her hiding place, Medea accidentally makes a noise)

Guard: "What was that just now? Could it have been a person? No, i'll go and have some Flan."

(Medea sneaks off in the direction of the solar viewing dome)

Medea: "Hmmm, maybe i'll be able to see it from here...."

(She looks up through the Dome's roof, to see a huge tower......with a pillow on it?)

(Medea shoots an arrow through the roof with a grappling hook attached and climbs through, then proceeds towards the tower)

Medea: "Hmm i reckon the controls are up there... but a pillow? Especially one with pink and purple teddy bears all over it.... well that is Dagu's style....."

As she climbs the tower, a large speaker announces ten seconds to firing! Medea quickens her pace.

Six seconds to firing!




Medea is almost to the pillow


A huge beam of Energy flies out of the front of the pillow, Medea leaps in front of the blast, it reflects off of her chest, back at the pillow. It sits there glowing for a few seconds, then the tower is rocked by a massive explosion that shakes the planet to its core. Medea... is gone.

(Back on the Moon)

Queen Selene: "Oh, it is like a hole is torn in me! She is gone! The last of the Artemis warriors! She falls to her knees.

Faint voice: "Hmmm, thats rather odd..... Who are you?"

Death: "WELL, I AM DEATH..."

Faint Voice: "Ah, i see...."


Faint Voice: "Disappear? No i refuse to... just... just disappear!


Faint Voice: "I told you! I'm not going into that disappearing business, rather silly!"


Faint Voice: No, i shall not! I do not want to disappear and i am certainly not a ghost!"


Faint Voice: "Well, you're being racist now are you? Against ghosts?"


Faint Voice: "No i didn't!"

Death: "YES YOU DID!"

Faint Voice: "No i did not!"


Faint Voice: "It looks full to me, you never even looked at it did you?"

Death: (Looks at hour glass) "OH..... WELL... THATS... UNUSUAL....."

Faint Voice: "Well now, how about you go off and deal with dead rats or something..."

Death: "OH, I DON'T DO RATS....."

Faint Voice: "Oh?"


(Death Disappears, Medea appears on the floor)

Queen Selene: "What just happened?"

Medea: "Not again....."

Queen Selene: "Oh alright...."

  • (Death and the Death of Rats belong to their own respective owner, Terry Pratchett)

This thread has finally ended. Next one: Virus and Trojan, bringers of Doom

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